On the subject of Tidy mindsets and healthy habits and thought processes & patterns this week here at Tidy Time, we are loving anything that promotes a healthy home environment for all. When it involves our children it is at the forefront of our intention to pass on & share the good advice we have acquired - especially when that knowledge can be transferred and used in many areas of our lives to people of all ages and backgrounds, based from one major requirement - ruthless compassion.
Introducing Jennifer Kolari, author of the book that has changed so many lives of both parents and the children implementing the therapeutic techniques suggested inside.
“Sometimes we try so hard to be the perfect parent, and put so much effort into it that we can’t get out of our own way. Jennifer Kolari shows us ways to deal with our children that are so simple and yet so brilliant it’s like magic. If you are a parent, know a parent, or are planning to become a parent, you need this book. As a pediatrician for nearly 20 years and the mother of four children, I can honestly say I wish I’d had this book before my first child was born, it would have made life so much easier. The techniques in this book can be effectively applied to a 2 year old or a 20 year old, and that’s the beauty of Connected Parenting.”
The key point of Kolari's technique is about showing a child - who may be experiencing strong emotions for what appears like a trivial cause - that we understand what he/she is feeling. The mirroring technique ensures that the message that the child is trying to send out is received. In many cases, adults go about reassuring the child (It is ok honey, this is just .....) or solving the problem (Here let us fix this...) or take some other alternatives which essentially brushes aside what the child is feeling and trying to get across. If the message being sent out is not received, the child can escalate leading to tantrums or meltdowns which increase the frustration of parents/adults. As a consequence of repeated similar experiences of invalidating the emotions, the child can learn that it is not ok to feel these feelings which can result in different issues down the road.
Kolari advocates that the first step be that of mirroring the child's state. This helps deactivate the arousal of the sympathetic nervous system and brings the child to a state where he/she will be more amenable to further input towards solving the problem.
If you have never heard of mirroring, or are just looking for a fresh new outlook on developing some methods of parenting I honestly can't recommend this book enough! and if you ( - like me) initially thought you didn't have time to get through a whole book on the subject there are some really insightful youtube videos of her seminars on this approach to parenting that flips the mindset to "I can't afford NOT to make time for this!"
You are most welcome, Tidytimers.
Until next time!